And so I’ve begun.  Begun to be a writer.  I think.  I hope.  I’ve got a manuscript.  I’ve got a mentor.  I’ve got a Twitter account. I’ve joined a writer’s group.  I’ve even got a pseudonym (titter).  And now I’ve got a blog!

I still feel like a rookie though.  A novice.  A fledgling.  A beginner.  It’s even hard to call myself a ‘proper writer’ because I haven’t published anything.

I’ve always written something – teenage poetry, industry articles, and good letters.  I wrote the first chapter of my novel long ago… before I had the story.  Before the ‘what’s it about?’ had revealed itself.

I am almost fifty now.  I’ve had a lot of jobs.  Good ones, and some of them well paid.  Some of them even satisfying.  I ran my own company for fifteen years, organising events.  I led a young, dynamic team and earned recognition as a successful entrepreneur.  Once you’re on that road, it’s hard to stop. And I had (have) a mortgage too. But above all, and below the radar, I have always wanted to be a writer.

A few years ago, some things happened to me which were shocking.  They were very hard to explain… without it sounding like fiction. That was my light bulb moment, my eureka effect.  It had finally presented itself to me, without much looking.  The simple fact that something I could talk about, write about, was something that sounded like fiction. It felt like finding a needle in a haystack.
So, two years ago, I was finally brave enough to commit to it… this story.  I sold my company and borrowed some money.  I sat down and wrote daily.  Bit by bit, my characters emerged.  And slowly, carefully they took on their own personality.  Soon, they were doing the job for me.  They became their own souls, owned their own being, stuck up for themselves, disagreed with me if I made them do something that they didn’t want to, or say something that they wouldn’t.

And now, it’s complete.  I think.  I hope. They, my characters, seem happy that the work is done too.  Well, mostly.  So, at least… it feels right – my novel feels real and tangible.  I want people to read it, love it, maybe even relate to it.  Simultaneously, I’m so nervous…god, I’m scared.  What if it’s terrible?  It could be absolutely awful.  Why would I even dream that other people might like it?
But, you see, I’ve written it, re-written, re-re-written it.  I’ve jigged it around, cut it, extended it, edited it, torn it up, and Sellotaped it back together.   Now, I think it’s ready.  I say ‘I think’, because I suppose I won’t know until I DO something with it.

But, oh, the rejection.  Yes, now there is a subject I’ve read, heard, and talked about.  It sets horrible alarms ringing – maybe I’m wasting all this blood, all this sweat and I’ll end up in tears.  Of course, it’s rubbish – I’m not a writer.  No, no, I’m nothing but an office worker.  Who am I kidding?
But I haven’t got this far, just to give up. I can’t.  My characters won’t abandon me that easily and I can’t let them down.  They trust me now – they’re my friends. I couldn’t do that to them.
So I’m just working on my final-final draft.  Yes, I did think that last one was it… but I just re-read it and it’s not.  No, no, no.  Just a few more tweaks and it will be done, ready for submission, I promise.

At least, I think it will.  I can only hope.

1.    Middle lane hoggers.

2.    Show offs. (See 3.)

3.    Sports cars. (See 2.)

4.    Radio 2.

5.    Slow internet connection.

6.    When bananas go off really quickly.

7.    When people don’t quite get the POINT!

8.    People that go about 48mph in the slow lane – but this would be ok if all the middle lane hoggers would get out of the way.

 9.   Football.

10.   Tailgaiters.

As I type this, I am waiting eagerly for a response from my favourite agent.  I even dared to prod her after five weeks of sending my whole manuscript.  Today I emailed and admitted I was struggling with patience, even though ‘I know I’m supposed to’.  

Since I’ve been waiting, I haven’t hung around.  I have submitted to a further two agents (one rejection, one still-waiting), diarised chase-dates and targets, entered five competitions, signed up for several workshops (about Plotting, Adding Suspense, Using Your Senses, Adding Depth To Writing etc), bought and read some text books, downloaded and indulged in some self-help eBooks, signed up for NaNoWriMo (I won’t get anywhere with this) and set up a planned Twitter page for my writer’s group.

Additionally, I’ve begun to plot another novel and tried to keep this blog up-to-date.  These are the most difficult, of course – because it’s writing.  The rest is, I am sure, procrastination – i.e. not-writing.

But, here I am, writing a blog, not my book, and daring to think that procrastination could be a GOOD THING! The term seems to be a bit like a swear word, a guilty pleasure, something to be ashamed of – you’re just filling time with ridiculous, uneventful shit,  like Angry Birds or Jeremy Kyle (though you could get good material from that programme), reading celebzines, or indulging in social media (dammit!), instead of… WRITING.

I do believe that that nothing good can come from that type of idling, but when the term is used to describe doing anything other than writing, it becomes confusing – as if doing anything other than writing is bad.  I don’t think that social media was invented to facilitate procrastination.  When we run any business, do any job, we need to make people aware of what we do, or what we offer and who else is doing the same thing.  Social media is an ideal way to achieve this.  It’s impossible to build a business without market research, a SWOT analysis, identifying new opportunities, analysing our competitors, detailing our branding and allocating price.  And further impossible to effectuate these things, unless they are written down in something we call a Business Plan.  This is how a new business structures its design and builds a platform to start from.  It’s how an entrepreneur gets to know a market.  And they network – meet people and learn from them; they even administrate in order to be organised enough to launch a product.  In other words, at least two thirds of a entrepreneur’s time is spent on other things than making the product.  So why, in the writing world, by applying the same things, is it called procrastination?

I admit when you work from home, it’s easy to just finish the hoovering, and it’s hard to motivate yourself for the same amount of time as if you were chained to a desk in an office.  I think, unless you are Barbara Cartland who wrote  twenty-six  books  in  one year (that’s  one  every  two  weeks by the way),  it’s simply natural to ‘procrastinate.’  Already today I’ve done the laundry, made a cake and created some home-made dog-treats (and I’ve yet to walk said canines).  Now I’ve got those things out of the way, I am STILL procrastinating… or am I?  I have discovered that procrastinating opens up a whole world of ideas.   A moment ago I was on Twitter and Facebook (yes, I was!).  For research purposes – seriously!  I came across a whole host of ideas.  And then, with those ideas, I got down to the business of writing.  I completed a whole plot plan for a set of chapters.  That’s a big step.  And in this process I learned a few new things too, and found a few new contacts.  Let’s face it, without procrastinating, I would never have come across my good friends at Writer’s & Artists.  What I mean is, if you’re procrastinating about your subject matter, and you limit the time you do so, then it’s not such a bad thing.  If the need to go on Twitter tempts you, go for it – you may well come across something completely worthwhile, something that diminishes your block and sets your fingers whizzing across the keyboard, getting that idea down in paper.  Procrastination doesn’t have to be bad.

To summarise, I have written Ten Ways to Make Procrastination A Good Thing.  Happy procrastinating!

• Make a new Twitter contact

• Think of a new character name (you don’t have to use him/her/it yet).

• Find a tutorial or workshop that inspires you

• Book a place on it

• Read the first paragraph of your favourite book

• Make a list of words you would like to use in the first paragraph of your next chapter (don’t include those you’ve just read!)

• Do some Pilates and think about your next chapter

• Walk the dog and think about your next chapter

• Meditate for ten minutes

•  Listen to your heart and not your mind

I know I should hate the X-Factor, but, I admit that I don’t.  I love the sheer banality of the old fashioned entertainment, the on-the-edge-of-your-seat competition, and the tears of joy at someone accomplishing a dream, even if it is rigged.  I also know it’s heartless to laugh in the face of a person who possesses profound stupidity, to the point of humiliating themselves in front of millions of viewers across the country, and further, no doubt, on the internet.  It’s so sad, but, in my opinion, it’s also highly enjoyable.  And even though Sting called it ‘televised karaoke’ (I agree, but karaoke is fun), Moby said it ‘cheapens music’ (I agree, but some music is overpriced anyway) and Calvin Harris thinks it’s ‘a joke’ (I agree, a very amusing one), Simon Cowell is a genius for developing a media storming spectacle that not only attracts an audience of millions but one that has also created life-changing opportunities for talented individuals (as well as himself).

Moving outside of the music industry bear pit for a second, I’m sure most of you will agree that in all forms of professional life there are very similar sorts of processes we must go through. We all have to compete against other applicants when getting any type of job – it’s just called an interview rather than an ‘audition’ – and for us writers it’s referred to as ‘the submission process’. The similarities? We want to succeed but breaking through is down to our peers and ‘judges’, and then ultimately, our audience.

So right now – going back to my X-Factor analogy – I’ve reached the stage where I’m metaphorically queuing outside the venue with my arms crossed, hoping that a literary agent will pick me; that they’ll consider my work to be good enough. In turn, they’ll agree to represent me, advise me on my manuscript, then hope that a publisher decides to buy my book. And after that… well that’s down to public opinion.

I make that at least three lots of judging rounds. You could say ‘that’s three big Yes’s’!
Yesterday for me was a very good day. I had a positive reply from an agent, requesting to see my full manuscript – that’s ‘through to the next round’, isn’t it? I was so happy I did a roly poly on the floor of my office (the dining room – it’s not always the dining room, sometimes it’s the lounge, and other times the summer house.) I digress.

The fact is, that I’m hoping and praying that my novel has the X-factor. It’s the same process after all, and I’ve just stepped on the first rung and got to audition stage.

I sent my full manuscript almost immediately after receiving the request, ignoring the little voice in my head that said ‘don’t look too desperate’. Oh sod it, I thought… I am actually desperate and I don’t care who knows. “This means everything to me.” Sound familiar?